ULTIMATE WALL OF SHAMER!!!

Pastor Terry Jones of Gainesville, FL does bear an admirable grayed handlebar stache. But he is recognized here for no purposes of praise; instead, this man (and I struggle to use that term for such a human), does not deserve to be breathing and utilizing resources on this planet. When he burns in hell, I feel our friend the stache will only speed the searing of his wretched face. If Jones isn't a terrorist, then perhaps we need to find a better working definition of the word, because last I checked it was neither American, nor humane, nor even rational to fight fire with gasoline, especially by pouring it on the house next door. So Mr. Jones, not only are you doing a disservice to moustaches around the world, but you are a disgrace to this country, and all of humanity. You sir, are an uneducated and blinded piss poor excuse for a man, to whom I say, go fuck yourself.

Clueless?  EDUCATE ONESELF

Bobby Goldsboro

 

This 60's song writer is talented...I mean really talented. Goldsboro not only created the unforgettable "Honey" and "Wind Beneath My Wings" and "Behind Closed Doors", but has also maintained his simple yet striking stache. You may be asking, what's so special about this guy's stache, it's just a stache? Nay, my friends. Bobby already has a flawless head of flowing locks, you see, not to mention his delicately trimmed brows. But what completes this Goldsboro look of perfection? His simple upper lip fur, unobstructed by side burns or beard growth. It doesn't end there ladies and gents (although the moustache is all I need). Goldsboro, to my recent knowledge, is a fantastic painter. Who knew!? And then, to top off his awesomeness, Bobby wrote and produced a TV series called "The Swamp Critters of the Lost Lagoon", in which he displays to our youth the importance of environmentalism. I'm sorry but any time swamp critters, "behind closed doors", and a stache of such perfection are associated with one man, I'm inclined to call that man remarkable.

Honorable Mention #1

 

I know not your name, oh bearer of the handlebar nipple stache, and I know nothing you've done with your life, but I do reward this stache creation which you've artistically extended to curl around your nipples. If only every many had your devotion to mos and creativity, imagine the what the world could look like! Good sir, if you do nothing with your life, you'll have at least received this recognition; and for us, that is more than enough.

Allen Wilford Brimley

 

Sexy? Not really...Masculine? eh. Remarkable though? Hell yes. You may know Wilford Brimley for his Liberty Medical devotion, but what you probably failed to recognize is that this 75 year old diabetic has been rocking a furry mo since he could grow one (you also were probably unaware that he is an activist against cockfighting in New Mexico). I'm actually convinced he was born with this  thick layer of lip fur and that it merely changed color over time.Time and again, usually during the price is right and after the Scooter Store ad, Brimley reminds us that "If you have diabetes and you're on medicare, the cost of your testing supplies may be covered." Well Wilford, while the diabetics among us may revere this message, the moustache lovers in all of us much prefer the fact that you've had that upper lip covered by thick glossy stache. And while Liberty Medical can "help you have a better life", Wilford, your simple, yet burly coat of lip fur has helped us have a better time watching this downtrodden advertisement. I not only thank you, but applaud your stache's sustenance.

Chris Cornell

Ah, yes. This 90's grungy lead vocalist kept his pencil stache well-maintined. Often accompanied by a little chin scruff Cornell actually pulls off the pencil thin stachio (which is not an easy task to do). Impressive, Chris, but it doesn't appear as if you've kept the moustache to the present date, what happened? Crumble under the pressure of trendiness post 90's? Audioslave may miss you, but not as much as we miss that moustache. You may be a grammy-nominee but you are only as good as your facial hair my friend. For now, however, I congratulate your super-thin slim stache. I can tell you're a man with enough work ethic for such trimming. Well done, Remarkable Moustache you have/had. Bring it back!

Roland Glen Fingers

      It seems appropriate that the primary recipient of the Remarkable Moustache Award go to the one, and only, Rollie Fingers.

      This MLB pitcher waxed up his hot handlebar forcing Oakland Athletics owner to fork over $300 (who offered the bonus to the man who grew the best maintained facial hair). Fingers' moustache influenced Finley, the owner, to initiate "Moustache Day", in which customers to the ball-park were granted free admission just for having a moustache! Hell yes, my friends!

      Mr. Fingers and his well-fingered stache, I must note, are an inseparable pair. In fact, while playing for the Brewers, Rollie was offered a contract with the Cincinnatti Reds in the late 80's. The owner of the Reds at the time, Marge Schott, required that her players be clean shaven. Apparently, Mr. Fingers responded to this demand with: "Well you tell Marge Schott to shave her Saint Bernard, and I'll shave my moustache"; and word has it, Fingers still has this super stache today. 

      Roland G. Fingers: you are not only a World Series MVP, possessor of one of the coolest names ever, and now a Remarkable Moustache owner, but also an advocate for moustache loyalists every where. I commend both you and your legendary stache, sir.

Moustaches?! But why!?

    Let's face it. Who hasn't, at least once, commented (to yourself or others) on the excellence that was one stranger's stache? For men, the moustache is mature, rugged, professional, sexy, and maybe in pursuance of your up and coming vintage pornography career. As for women, such as myself, we too admire these same qualities exemplified by the male facial fur (which we ascertain are characteristics that all men with moustaches possess, because if not--you should shave it, it's rude and misleading). Regardless, here at Remarkable Moustaches, no moustache will go unnoticed.

DISCLAIMER: Women with moustaches have been omitted from the previous post because that's gross--fix it ladies.